The Christian Idea Has...

...Not been tried and found wanting, it has been found difficult; and left untried.

Today, I am moved to write briefly about this article, entitled "I'm Catholic and Didn't Get Married in a Church For This Reason."

I fully expected that the article would reference problems with the Church's teachings on sexuality, on marriage, on children, etc. This would be de rigeur among writers on Yahoo!, or any of its linked sites (in this case, "Style Me Pretty"), and likely, among many bloggers. However, I was initially somewhat surprised to see her claim that it was all about money.

You see, the church this author initially contacted (red flag!) asked $1,200 for the use of the church. And, the author notes, "from there, our options got less and less attractive." Presumably this means that other churches charged more.

End of story, right? Money-grubbing Catholics? Seems like it. Being Catholic myself, I found this a bit shocking. Catholic churches, charging people huge sums to get married?

When reading the story, however, something became very obvious: This is a collision between the world of identity politics, "tradition," and the world of lived faith and pragmatism.

The author, a "Ximena N. Larkin" (website here, if this is the same person) reveals as follows during her brief sketch (I've fisked it for your convenience):

[W]e were both raised Catholic. Up until high school, he attended a Catholic private school. And I started every Sunday with mass and then picked a Catholic university....There was no way around it. We were engulfed in religion.

Given what follows, perhaps "[w]e had been engulfed in religion" would be more accurate.

It was the primary reason we were even considering incorporating the ritual in our wedding day. Even though during our two-year relationship, and one-year engagement we had never attended mass as a couple, we felt like it was something we had to do.

AH HAH! SO THAT'S IT. A two-year relationship and one-year engagement and never attended Mass as a couple. Yet you were both Catholic. Seems like you were awash in nostalgia and identity, not "engulfed in religion."

I was shocked to discover our first pick required a $1,200 mandatory donation for 45-minute use of the church (more than 10 times the cost of our wedding venue for the evening). 

Now wait...you already had a wedding venue reserved, and NOW you're calling around for churches? Did the desire to get married in the Church come from within you, or was it something that parents or grandparents mentioned and you decided to give it the ol' college try for them?

I am going to go out on a limb here and guess that, if you're a member of a parish, the charge to use the parish is free, or nearly so. However, if you're just calling around for a venue, they charge because it makes it less attractive to church shoppers. As I look around the internet, it seems some churches do charge for the venue due to costs inherent in a wedding and the use of the facilities. Some churches offer to waive the fee if the couple are parishioners and cannot afford it, and also offer free convalidations during weekday Mass.

And THEN, towards the end of this article, we read the following revelatory statements:

The church had played no part in our relationship. We honored and respected the traditions held by family and friends, but realized we had to make a choice between what we 'should do' and what was right for us. For us, that meant promising to honor, love and respect each other every day. A pledge requiring work from both parties and not a religious deity to do the heavy lifting for us.

[Oh, RIGHT...that's what getting married in a church means? You get GOD to do the work and rest on your laurels? BULLS**T.]

Family members still ask if one day I'll get married by the church. Being Mexican and Catholic is part of my identity so the answer is yes. One day it'll happen when we're ready, not when someone tells us to.

So, wait...was all the money stuff a serious argument? Or did you reject a Church wedding because someone told you you had to? Or because you didn't believe in the first place? Why not have a free or nearly-free convalidation done and call it good?

This is identity politics and smear in equal part and parcel. Religion when I feel like it, when it may be important to me feeling "Mexican" enough, or to show our children what it's like, or whatever.

But let's not pretend that "we couldn't afford" to get married in the Church. You didn't care about Faith at the time you got married, except as a sort of cultural crustation and a vague desire to please someone else in your life. If you simply want to say you'd fallen away from the Faith and didn't care about religion any longer, own it. You are engaged in deceiving yourself and others regarding the real reason why you didn't get married in the Church.